Sunday, June 14, 2020
Friday, July 3, 2009
Karma's a Bitch
Scene 1
Scene begins with Matt looking around the house for his bike lock keys
Searches everywhere and starts to get stressed out.
Finally opens his housemate’s (David) door
Camera zooms on Matt’s surprised/confused/cracking up face
Audience only hears David stumble and hit his head.
Scene 2
Matt and David eat their morning cereal together
Matt: “How’s your head [snickers]”
David: “It’s fine… why don’t you fucking knock!”
Matt: “Its 7 in the morning!”
David: “Yea, so what?”
Matt: “More importantly, were you doing it to Facebook pictures! [Touches forehead in disbelief]
David: “No dude, that’s just my decoy”
Matt: “Yea, decoy, sure.”
Matt: “Whatever, I can’t find the keys to my bike lock, the cleaners probably jacked it. How am I suppose to get to school?”
David: “You can borrow my skateboard”
Scene 3
Matt is riding the skateboard to school.
Everybody stares at him as he stumbles to get the hang of it. Matt decides to hide it in the bushes and pick it up on the way back from school.
As he walks to school he sees three girls in their cruiser bikes. They are dressed in all Abercrombie and Hollister and all blonde bombshells. Matt tries to give them an awkward head nod and the girls give an awkward stare back. Matt has a look of glee on his face like he just successfully hit on them.
Scene 4
Matt is on the way back from school.
He looks at the bush where he hid the skateboard, but it isn’t there.
Matt gets back to the house to tell David the news.
Matt goes to David’s room and knocks on his door.
Matt: [while knocking] “Hey is it safe to get in?”
David: [opens the door] “Yeeees, you’re making me feel like I am running a meth lab or something… what’s up? How was the skateboard?”
Matt: “Well its about that…[tells story of what happened]…”
David: “It’s ok, just buy me a new one.”
Matt: “Uuuh, yea ok”
David: “Oh and btw, there is a fat party this Saturday, oh and those girls you like are going to be there. “
Matt: “I don’t like any girl, what are you talking about?”
David: “C’mon, you know… those Laguna beach girls.”
Matt: “Laguna beach girls?”
David: “Yea, they look like Abercombie just farted them out or something… I see you staring at the all the time, don’t deny it.”
Matt: “You gotta admit, they are pretty hot”
David: “Yea, I would hit it too.”
Matt: “Too bad for you the party isn’t at 7 in the morning, at your prime”
David: “Shut up about that already… don’t forget the skateboard, my little brother got that for his bar-mitzvah.”
Matt: “Alright, drive me over there.”
Scene 4
Matt and David are driving to the skate shop
They suddenly smell something really bad
Matt and David: “Ahhh wtf is that smell!” [Matt roles down the window]
David: “Don’t do that man, its coming from the outside. It always smells like ass over here.”
Matt: “That’s ridiculous, they should make a bridge or something.”
David: “Yea, that’s a waste of money.”
Matt: “Speaking of money, I have $40, how much is that skateboard?”
David stops the car
Matt: “Ahhh did you really have to make your dramatic stop here? I feel like I am being Dutch ovened by a dead body.”
David: “You do realize you lost a $200 skateboard”
Matt: “I’ll get him a cheap Big 5 one, your brother wont’ know the difference.”
David: “Ok fine, let me just remind you, karma’s a bitch.”
Matt: “Alright Vishnu.”
They drive back home
Scene 5
It’s Saturday night and they are getting ready for the party
They are pre-partying at their friend Jake’s house.
[Jake is very extroverted and sociable.]
Matt and David walk into Jake’s house; there are a couple of other people pre-partying as well.
Jake: [In a surfer accent] “Sup bros, we got naddy light in the fridge, Jell-o shots on the table and jager-bombs in 5 WOOOOO all-right, lets get drinkin!” [high-fives Matt and David]
David says to Matt: “You better do what the man says, your sober ass won’t hook up with those Laguna girls.”
Matt: “Right… but for some reason I get too clingy when I am drunk. I get too obsessed and end up scaring them away.”
Jake to Matt: “Bro bro bro, you got a lot to learn… alright check this out, this is what I do: just remind yourself that the girl has a piece of shit inside of her.
Matt and David: “WTF! What are you talking about?”
Jake: “Well, girls are fucking hot, but we forget they are human and have disgusting pieces of shit inside their bodies. All I am saying is that it works.”
Matt: “That’s just disgusting.”
Jake: “W/e dude, lets drink WOOOOOO!”
Scene 6
Arrive at the party.
Matt is pretty damn drunk
Matt: “Alright man! Lets get those Laguna things or whatever you call them!”
David: “Dude, relax, Laguna girls only have their inhibitions lowered at around 3/4ths of the party.”
Jake: “He’s got a point man”
Matt: “Well fuck, what am I suppose to do until then?”
Jake: “Damn dude, you really have no party etiquette. You’re suppose to play drinking games before you hook up.”
David: “We got a captain-obvious over here.” [they laugh at the stupid joke because they are drunk].
Matt: “hahahah, captain obvious, that’s hilarious!”
Jake: “Hey bros, they are about to play ‘Never Have I ever’ over there, let’s join in!”
Scene 7
They are gathering around a circle getting ready to play ‘Never Have I ever.’
The girl sitting next to Matt, Amanda, introduces herself to matt [she is also a Laguna girl]
Amanda: “Hi, my name is Amanda.” [Sticks her hand out to shake his hand]
Matt: “Hey, I am Matt.” What’s your name again?
Amanda: “Amanda, and you’re Matt right?”
Matt: “Yea yea, sooo… where are you from?’
Amanda: “I am actually from Kentucky, what about you?”
Matt: “Oh really, Frankfort?”
Amanda: “Yea!”
Matt: “By any chance do you know a guy named Steve Temin?”
Amanda: “uhh, no.”
Matt: “Oh nvm then”
Awkward pause
Amanda: “Sooo what’s your major?”
Matt: “uh, Bio Major.”
Amanda: “OMG the human body is AMAZING.”
Matt: “uh huh, what’s your major?”
Amanda: “Pre-Med”
Matt: “Oh so you’re going to med school?”
Amanda: “No, I am just getting my pre-requisites done before I apply.”
Matt: “Ok, so you’re a bio major.”
Amanda: “Uh, no, pre-med.”
Conversation interrupted by a guy explaining the rules to the game of ‘Never Have I ever.’ If you did the thing once, then you take a sip.
The first person in the game: “Never have I ever had anal sex teeheehee!”
A few people take sips and people laugh and yell out stuff like ‘omg I can’t believe you did that!”
It’s David’s turn to go
David: “Never Have I ever had my best friend’s $200 skateboard stolen because I left it in a bush like an idiot. ”
Everybody laughs and says ‘ooooo’ as Matt takes a sip
It’s Matt’s turn to go
Matt: “Never have I ever masturbated to Facebook pictures!”
David: “You’re such a fag.” [takes a sip and everyone laughs harder]
Matt: “That’s karma for you!”
Somebody throwing up interrupts the game
Amanda: “I’ll help him! I am a pre-med student.”
Matt says to David: “Wow, that girl is such an idiot, but she is fucking hot.”
David: “Go for it, hit it.”
Matt: “You know what, alright I’ll do it.”
Scene 8
Matt goes up to Amanda while she is helping the throwing up guy
Matt: “Hey there…what’s your name again?”
Amanda: “Amanda, hey…”
Matt: “Matt”
Amanda: “Right, sorry I had to leave the game, duty called!”
Matt thinks to himself ‘eh, duty…’ Remembers when Jake told him about the shit thing
Matt: “heh, wanna dance?”
Amanda: “Sure!”
Scene 9
Amanda starts dancing like a slut with her ass out and moving really quickly
Matt looks confused and struggles to figure out a way to engage contact with her.
After a few minutes of trying to engage, Matt gives up and says:
Matt: “Hey… wanna go somewhere else?”
Amanda: “Sure! I need more drinks though!”
They start drinking again
Have a stupid drunk conversation
Amanda: “I had a lot of fun dancing with you.”
Matt: “Uuuh, right”
Amanda: “You’re pretty hot hahah.”
Matt: “hahaha you’re funny!”
Amanda: “Yea, I am special like that.”
Matt: “hahaha you should change your major to pre-comedian cause you’re hilarious!”
Amanda: “Hey, I’ve got a funny idea.”
Matt: “Yea, what?”
Amanda: “Lets go to that room over there.”
Matt: “Alright sure.”
Scene 10
They get into a room with a giant bed in the middle.
Amanda throws him on the bed
She tells Matt to take off his clothes
Matt gets to his underwear
Amanda: “Wait 5 minutes, I really need to go to the bathroom.”
Matt recalls again what Jake told him about the shit thing
Matt gets completely turned off, but Amanda already came back from the bathroom
Thinking quickly matt decides to pretend to pass out.
Amanda comes back disappointed, as he is lying there asleep
After a while Matt really does pass out on the bed
Scene 11
Matt wakes up at the bed the next morning
He gets up and can’t find his clothes. He stumbles over to the kitchen and there he sees Amanda.
Matt: “Heeey, what are you doing here.”
Amanda: “Ummmmm I duno, maybe because I LIVE HERE!”
Matt: “Oh, sorry about last night.”
Amanda: “Yea w/e asshole.”
Matt: “eh, listen I can’t find my clothes.”
Amanda: “Your stupid friend stole them and told me to tell you ‘karma’s a bitch.”
Matt: “Oh fuck.”
Amanda: “Get out of my house already!”
Matt: “Uh, my stupid friend was my ride home. You think you can give me a ride, I live like 10 minutes away.”
Amanda: “Fine, hurry we need to go now.”
Matt: “Can I borrow some clothes.”
Amanda: “No way! I am already too nice to you.”
Matt: “Ok lets just go.”
Scene 12
Matt and Amanda are driving in the car
Awkward silence ensues for 30 seconds when suddenly they pass by the place on the road that smells like shit.
Amanda: [with a disgusted face on her] “Ewwwwwwww you’re disgusting! Get the fuck out of my car!”
Amanda stops the car
Matt: “WTF it’s not me, it’s from the outside! This place always smells like ass!”
Amanda: “OMG I can’t believe you’re still in the car, geeeeeet oooooout!
Matt: “Do you really have to stop the car here, it smells like shit!”
Amanda physically pushes him out the door.
Matt stands there outside in his underwear.
Close up on Matt’s face as he looks worried.
Matt: “Fuck.”
Screen freezes and music starts playing in the background as credits roll
Scene begins with Matt looking around the house for his bike lock keys
Searches everywhere and starts to get stressed out.
Finally opens his housemate’s (David) door
Camera zooms on Matt’s surprised/confused/cracking up face
Audience only hears David stumble and hit his head.
Scene 2
Matt and David eat their morning cereal together
Matt: “How’s your head [snickers]”
David: “It’s fine… why don’t you fucking knock!”
Matt: “Its 7 in the morning!”
David: “Yea, so what?”
Matt: “More importantly, were you doing it to Facebook pictures! [Touches forehead in disbelief]
David: “No dude, that’s just my decoy”
Matt: “Yea, decoy, sure.”
Matt: “Whatever, I can’t find the keys to my bike lock, the cleaners probably jacked it. How am I suppose to get to school?”
David: “You can borrow my skateboard”
Scene 3
Matt is riding the skateboard to school.
Everybody stares at him as he stumbles to get the hang of it. Matt decides to hide it in the bushes and pick it up on the way back from school.
As he walks to school he sees three girls in their cruiser bikes. They are dressed in all Abercrombie and Hollister and all blonde bombshells. Matt tries to give them an awkward head nod and the girls give an awkward stare back. Matt has a look of glee on his face like he just successfully hit on them.
Scene 4
Matt is on the way back from school.
He looks at the bush where he hid the skateboard, but it isn’t there.
Matt gets back to the house to tell David the news.
Matt goes to David’s room and knocks on his door.
Matt: [while knocking] “Hey is it safe to get in?”
David: [opens the door] “Yeeees, you’re making me feel like I am running a meth lab or something… what’s up? How was the skateboard?”
Matt: “Well its about that…[tells story of what happened]…”
David: “It’s ok, just buy me a new one.”
Matt: “Uuuh, yea ok”
David: “Oh and btw, there is a fat party this Saturday, oh and those girls you like are going to be there. “
Matt: “I don’t like any girl, what are you talking about?”
David: “C’mon, you know… those Laguna beach girls.”
Matt: “Laguna beach girls?”
David: “Yea, they look like Abercombie just farted them out or something… I see you staring at the all the time, don’t deny it.”
Matt: “You gotta admit, they are pretty hot”
David: “Yea, I would hit it too.”
Matt: “Too bad for you the party isn’t at 7 in the morning, at your prime”
David: “Shut up about that already… don’t forget the skateboard, my little brother got that for his bar-mitzvah.”
Matt: “Alright, drive me over there.”
Scene 4
Matt and David are driving to the skate shop
They suddenly smell something really bad
Matt and David: “Ahhh wtf is that smell!” [Matt roles down the window]
David: “Don’t do that man, its coming from the outside. It always smells like ass over here.”
Matt: “That’s ridiculous, they should make a bridge or something.”
David: “Yea, that’s a waste of money.”
Matt: “Speaking of money, I have $40, how much is that skateboard?”
David stops the car
Matt: “Ahhh did you really have to make your dramatic stop here? I feel like I am being Dutch ovened by a dead body.”
David: “You do realize you lost a $200 skateboard”
Matt: “I’ll get him a cheap Big 5 one, your brother wont’ know the difference.”
David: “Ok fine, let me just remind you, karma’s a bitch.”
Matt: “Alright Vishnu.”
They drive back home
Scene 5
It’s Saturday night and they are getting ready for the party
They are pre-partying at their friend Jake’s house.
[Jake is very extroverted and sociable.]
Matt and David walk into Jake’s house; there are a couple of other people pre-partying as well.
Jake: [In a surfer accent] “Sup bros, we got naddy light in the fridge, Jell-o shots on the table and jager-bombs in 5 WOOOOO all-right, lets get drinkin!” [high-fives Matt and David]
David says to Matt: “You better do what the man says, your sober ass won’t hook up with those Laguna girls.”
Matt: “Right… but for some reason I get too clingy when I am drunk. I get too obsessed and end up scaring them away.”
Jake to Matt: “Bro bro bro, you got a lot to learn… alright check this out, this is what I do: just remind yourself that the girl has a piece of shit inside of her.
Matt and David: “WTF! What are you talking about?”
Jake: “Well, girls are fucking hot, but we forget they are human and have disgusting pieces of shit inside their bodies. All I am saying is that it works.”
Matt: “That’s just disgusting.”
Jake: “W/e dude, lets drink WOOOOOO!”
Scene 6
Arrive at the party.
Matt is pretty damn drunk
Matt: “Alright man! Lets get those Laguna things or whatever you call them!”
David: “Dude, relax, Laguna girls only have their inhibitions lowered at around 3/4ths of the party.”
Jake: “He’s got a point man”
Matt: “Well fuck, what am I suppose to do until then?”
Jake: “Damn dude, you really have no party etiquette. You’re suppose to play drinking games before you hook up.”
David: “We got a captain-obvious over here.” [they laugh at the stupid joke because they are drunk].
Matt: “hahahah, captain obvious, that’s hilarious!”
Jake: “Hey bros, they are about to play ‘Never Have I ever’ over there, let’s join in!”
Scene 7
They are gathering around a circle getting ready to play ‘Never Have I ever.’
The girl sitting next to Matt, Amanda, introduces herself to matt [she is also a Laguna girl]
Amanda: “Hi, my name is Amanda.” [Sticks her hand out to shake his hand]
Matt: “Hey, I am Matt.” What’s your name again?
Amanda: “Amanda, and you’re Matt right?”
Matt: “Yea yea, sooo… where are you from?’
Amanda: “I am actually from Kentucky, what about you?”
Matt: “Oh really, Frankfort?”
Amanda: “Yea!”
Matt: “By any chance do you know a guy named Steve Temin?”
Amanda: “uhh, no.”
Matt: “Oh nvm then”
Awkward pause
Amanda: “Sooo what’s your major?”
Matt: “uh, Bio Major.”
Amanda: “OMG the human body is AMAZING.”
Matt: “uh huh, what’s your major?”
Amanda: “Pre-Med”
Matt: “Oh so you’re going to med school?”
Amanda: “No, I am just getting my pre-requisites done before I apply.”
Matt: “Ok, so you’re a bio major.”
Amanda: “Uh, no, pre-med.”
Conversation interrupted by a guy explaining the rules to the game of ‘Never Have I ever.’ If you did the thing once, then you take a sip.
The first person in the game: “Never have I ever had anal sex teeheehee!”
A few people take sips and people laugh and yell out stuff like ‘omg I can’t believe you did that!”
It’s David’s turn to go
David: “Never Have I ever had my best friend’s $200 skateboard stolen because I left it in a bush like an idiot. ”
Everybody laughs and says ‘ooooo’ as Matt takes a sip
It’s Matt’s turn to go
Matt: “Never have I ever masturbated to Facebook pictures!”
David: “You’re such a fag.” [takes a sip and everyone laughs harder]
Matt: “That’s karma for you!”
Somebody throwing up interrupts the game
Amanda: “I’ll help him! I am a pre-med student.”
Matt says to David: “Wow, that girl is such an idiot, but she is fucking hot.”
David: “Go for it, hit it.”
Matt: “You know what, alright I’ll do it.”
Scene 8
Matt goes up to Amanda while she is helping the throwing up guy
Matt: “Hey there…what’s your name again?”
Amanda: “Amanda, hey…”
Matt: “Matt”
Amanda: “Right, sorry I had to leave the game, duty called!”
Matt thinks to himself ‘eh, duty…’ Remembers when Jake told him about the shit thing
Matt: “heh, wanna dance?”
Amanda: “Sure!”
Scene 9
Amanda starts dancing like a slut with her ass out and moving really quickly
Matt looks confused and struggles to figure out a way to engage contact with her.
After a few minutes of trying to engage, Matt gives up and says:
Matt: “Hey… wanna go somewhere else?”
Amanda: “Sure! I need more drinks though!”
They start drinking again
Have a stupid drunk conversation
Amanda: “I had a lot of fun dancing with you.”
Matt: “Uuuh, right”
Amanda: “You’re pretty hot hahah.”
Matt: “hahaha you’re funny!”
Amanda: “Yea, I am special like that.”
Matt: “hahaha you should change your major to pre-comedian cause you’re hilarious!”
Amanda: “Hey, I’ve got a funny idea.”
Matt: “Yea, what?”
Amanda: “Lets go to that room over there.”
Matt: “Alright sure.”
Scene 10
They get into a room with a giant bed in the middle.
Amanda throws him on the bed
She tells Matt to take off his clothes
Matt gets to his underwear
Amanda: “Wait 5 minutes, I really need to go to the bathroom.”
Matt recalls again what Jake told him about the shit thing
Matt gets completely turned off, but Amanda already came back from the bathroom
Thinking quickly matt decides to pretend to pass out.
Amanda comes back disappointed, as he is lying there asleep
After a while Matt really does pass out on the bed
Scene 11
Matt wakes up at the bed the next morning
He gets up and can’t find his clothes. He stumbles over to the kitchen and there he sees Amanda.
Matt: “Heeey, what are you doing here.”
Amanda: “Ummmmm I duno, maybe because I LIVE HERE!”
Matt: “Oh, sorry about last night.”
Amanda: “Yea w/e asshole.”
Matt: “eh, listen I can’t find my clothes.”
Amanda: “Your stupid friend stole them and told me to tell you ‘karma’s a bitch.”
Matt: “Oh fuck.”
Amanda: “Get out of my house already!”
Matt: “Uh, my stupid friend was my ride home. You think you can give me a ride, I live like 10 minutes away.”
Amanda: “Fine, hurry we need to go now.”
Matt: “Can I borrow some clothes.”
Amanda: “No way! I am already too nice to you.”
Matt: “Ok lets just go.”
Scene 12
Matt and Amanda are driving in the car
Awkward silence ensues for 30 seconds when suddenly they pass by the place on the road that smells like shit.
Amanda: [with a disgusted face on her] “Ewwwwwwww you’re disgusting! Get the fuck out of my car!”
Amanda stops the car
Matt: “WTF it’s not me, it’s from the outside! This place always smells like ass!”
Amanda: “OMG I can’t believe you’re still in the car, geeeeeet oooooout!
Matt: “Do you really have to stop the car here, it smells like shit!”
Amanda physically pushes him out the door.
Matt stands there outside in his underwear.
Close up on Matt’s face as he looks worried.
Matt: “Fuck.”
Screen freezes and music starts playing in the background as credits roll
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Facebook status signals
Co-authored with my friend Liron Shapira (Logic and Reason).
If you ask your friends what they write in their Facebook status message, they might say "I just post what I'm up to." But they don't introspect on their underlying psychology.
People are constantly thinking and feeling things, but they aren't constantly publishing status updates. Cognitive algorithms select certain kinds of posts out of the larger stream of consciousness.
Facebook status messages are a great place to observe social signaling behavior, i.e. attempts to improve others' opinions about the author's personal traits. The author might not consciously scheme about improving their social status, but their brain is evolutionarily adapted to add self-flattering payloads to innocent-seeming impulse communications.
Here is a list of actual status messages from our Facebook friends, followed by an analysis of the signaling pattern the message fits into. You might notice these patterns on your own Facebook home page.
has been hungover all day. shitty.
Gives the reader an image of the author at a party surrounded by friends. Similar status updates imply that the author is a social person.
te quiero con limon y sal.
Decoding the Spanish: "I want you with lemon and salt."
Decoding the signal: "I know Spanish. I have a circle of friends with whom to go drinking."
wonders if anyone else is scared of life after graduation, DESPITE having a job of some sort.
Everyone likes showing off, but transparent bragging is socially unacceptable. This is a typical example of combining a high-value brag with a relatively harmless display of humility or self-deprecation.
is mad that campus only has two food places and they're BOTH closed -_-. i'm HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYY!
1. Implies that the author had the self control to resist their hunger (a common signal among girls, given the prevalence of dieting)
2. Implies that the author has a busy life working toward goals that are loftier than eating
3. Demonstrates an assumption that the author's whims are of concern to Facebook users
still finds this stress-freeness to be so foreign!
It's common for people to communicate that they're used to a high stress level. The reader imagines a fulfilling, interesting life full of friends and accomplishments.
i just died in your arms tonight... must have been something she said... i don't remember the rest of the lyrics
Posting lyrics to a song shows that you're someone who can have a social mind-set. In other words, this person might be fun to hang out or party with.
Even Stevens is the greatest TV show ever.
Proclaiming that the author enjoys something that isn't designed for his or her demographic signals that they're a different, non-conforming individual.
omg last minute packing blows
People write this one a lot because it directly implies they're going somewhere or, in other words, they have an interesting life.
If you ask your friends what they write in their Facebook status message, they might say "I just post what I'm up to." But they don't introspect on their underlying psychology.
People are constantly thinking and feeling things, but they aren't constantly publishing status updates. Cognitive algorithms select certain kinds of posts out of the larger stream of consciousness.
Facebook status messages are a great place to observe social signaling behavior, i.e. attempts to improve others' opinions about the author's personal traits. The author might not consciously scheme about improving their social status, but their brain is evolutionarily adapted to add self-flattering payloads to innocent-seeming impulse communications.
Here is a list of actual status messages from our Facebook friends, followed by an analysis of the signaling pattern the message fits into. You might notice these patterns on your own Facebook home page.
has been hungover all day. shitty.
Gives the reader an image of the author at a party surrounded by friends. Similar status updates imply that the author is a social person.
te quiero con limon y sal.
Decoding the Spanish: "I want you with lemon and salt."
Decoding the signal: "I know Spanish. I have a circle of friends with whom to go drinking."
wonders if anyone else is scared of life after graduation, DESPITE having a job of some sort.
Everyone likes showing off, but transparent bragging is socially unacceptable. This is a typical example of combining a high-value brag with a relatively harmless display of humility or self-deprecation.
is mad that campus only has two food places and they're BOTH closed -_-. i'm HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYY!
1. Implies that the author had the self control to resist their hunger (a common signal among girls, given the prevalence of dieting)
2. Implies that the author has a busy life working toward goals that are loftier than eating
3. Demonstrates an assumption that the author's whims are of concern to Facebook users
still finds this stress-freeness to be so foreign!
It's common for people to communicate that they're used to a high stress level. The reader imagines a fulfilling, interesting life full of friends and accomplishments.
i just died in your arms tonight... must have been something she said... i don't remember the rest of the lyrics
Posting lyrics to a song shows that you're someone who can have a social mind-set. In other words, this person might be fun to hang out or party with.
Even Stevens is the greatest TV show ever.
Proclaiming that the author enjoys something that isn't designed for his or her demographic signals that they're a different, non-conforming individual.
omg last minute packing blows
People write this one a lot because it directly implies they're going somewhere or, in other words, they have an interesting life.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
When ignorance is bliss
As an avid truth-seeker, it was hard for me to come to terms with my desire to keep myself ignorant to some things. I use to think that, given two equally capable individuals, the person with more true information can always do at least as good as the other person. And hence, one can only gain from having true information. I still believe this, however, there is one implicit assumption that makes this line of reason not true in all cases.
We are not perfectly rational agents; our mind isn’t stored in a vacuum, but in a highly irrational Homo sapien brain. There is some seemingly harmless information that, if known to people, would hurt them because they can’t turn off their bias impulses.
One piece of information I would never choose to know is my IQ score. I would also go as far as to say that most people don’t want to know theirs either.
At first, it seems silly to not want to know your IQ score. After all, the score will be the same whether I know it or not. Why should it change anything? Well, technically, it shouldn’t change anything, but it does.
Let’s first examine what the IQ test is and why it exists in the first place. Basically, it’s a test that involves some mental tasks and your score is supposed to be consistent throughout your life. Overtime, the test-makers tweaked the test in order to make it more and more consistent. The more consistent the test is, the more it suggests that your score is explained by your genes and not environment.
But even if a test is very consistent, it’s worthless unless you can make predictions out of it. A test that measures eye color is extremely consistent throughout one’s life, but I doubt it will make any non-trivial predictions. Turns out, however, that IQ tests actually do make interesting predictions. For example, the higher IQ one has, the more likely they will succeed in school or have higher paying jobs. Although the predictions are statistically significant, they are far from perfect.
The problem is not in the test itself, but in how we extrapolate the data. Our culture heavily attributes way more predictive power to IQ scores than it actually has—and this screws with our mind.
We assume that someone with a high IQ not only should be successful, but is successful. This makes high IQ people feel like they don’t need to try as hard to succeed and feel entitled. Conversely, average IQ people feel like they should stay away from cognitively taxing activities and may never reach their full potential.
Height and good hair also correlate with real-world success. But as a culture, we don’t overestimate the predictive power of these traits. I have never heard of someone fear they’re not going to make a lot of money because they’re short or balding. An even more obscure indicator of success is the number of books your parents own. But again, no one is ever affected by the knowledge of how many books their parents own.
I choose to not know my IQ because I will be negatively affected whether my IQ score turns out to be either higher or lower than I expect. I’ve been too brainwashed by society to not be affected by the results. I am best off not knowing my real limitations and that my success will be a function of my effort, not raw intelligence. Not only will this mindset make me live up to my potential, it keeps my sense of self-worth where it should be, not artificially inflated or deflated with knowledge of either a high or low IQ score.
IQ is not the only predictor-of-success that we over-assign predictive power to. In fact, most of them can’t be conveniently ignored like IQ scores. Some of these predictors include: GPA, scores on standardized tests, selectivity of school one is enrolled in and ethnicity, to name a few. Again, these are all good predictors-of-success, but they’re not as nearly accurate as we believe them to be.
Since our brainwashed minds aren’t capable of correctly analyzing this information about ourselves, we shouldn’t have our self-efficacy be determined by them. Instead, we should consider our level of effort as the variable that determines our success. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t adopted this mindset.
We are not perfectly rational agents; our mind isn’t stored in a vacuum, but in a highly irrational Homo sapien brain. There is some seemingly harmless information that, if known to people, would hurt them because they can’t turn off their bias impulses.
One piece of information I would never choose to know is my IQ score. I would also go as far as to say that most people don’t want to know theirs either.
At first, it seems silly to not want to know your IQ score. After all, the score will be the same whether I know it or not. Why should it change anything? Well, technically, it shouldn’t change anything, but it does.
Let’s first examine what the IQ test is and why it exists in the first place. Basically, it’s a test that involves some mental tasks and your score is supposed to be consistent throughout your life. Overtime, the test-makers tweaked the test in order to make it more and more consistent. The more consistent the test is, the more it suggests that your score is explained by your genes and not environment.
But even if a test is very consistent, it’s worthless unless you can make predictions out of it. A test that measures eye color is extremely consistent throughout one’s life, but I doubt it will make any non-trivial predictions. Turns out, however, that IQ tests actually do make interesting predictions. For example, the higher IQ one has, the more likely they will succeed in school or have higher paying jobs. Although the predictions are statistically significant, they are far from perfect.
The problem is not in the test itself, but in how we extrapolate the data. Our culture heavily attributes way more predictive power to IQ scores than it actually has—and this screws with our mind.
We assume that someone with a high IQ not only should be successful, but is successful. This makes high IQ people feel like they don’t need to try as hard to succeed and feel entitled. Conversely, average IQ people feel like they should stay away from cognitively taxing activities and may never reach their full potential.
Height and good hair also correlate with real-world success. But as a culture, we don’t overestimate the predictive power of these traits. I have never heard of someone fear they’re not going to make a lot of money because they’re short or balding. An even more obscure indicator of success is the number of books your parents own. But again, no one is ever affected by the knowledge of how many books their parents own.
I choose to not know my IQ because I will be negatively affected whether my IQ score turns out to be either higher or lower than I expect. I’ve been too brainwashed by society to not be affected by the results. I am best off not knowing my real limitations and that my success will be a function of my effort, not raw intelligence. Not only will this mindset make me live up to my potential, it keeps my sense of self-worth where it should be, not artificially inflated or deflated with knowledge of either a high or low IQ score.
IQ is not the only predictor-of-success that we over-assign predictive power to. In fact, most of them can’t be conveniently ignored like IQ scores. Some of these predictors include: GPA, scores on standardized tests, selectivity of school one is enrolled in and ethnicity, to name a few. Again, these are all good predictors-of-success, but they’re not as nearly accurate as we believe them to be.
Since our brainwashed minds aren’t capable of correctly analyzing this information about ourselves, we shouldn’t have our self-efficacy be determined by them. Instead, we should consider our level of effort as the variable that determines our success. I know I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t adopted this mindset.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Why schools are failing teaching
The education system has failed to teach students what the truth means and why it matters.
As an analogy for this failure, imagine a student entering college, Sarah, who has previously been under the watchful eyes of her over-protective parents. Throughout her life, Sarah was a victim to her parents’ strict regime; any sort of revolt would lead to a series of punishments and looks-of-disappointment. In college, newly endowed with freedom, she breaks all the rules. Drugs, theft and unprotected sex are common occurrences in this formerly innocent square—sound familiar? We’ve all heard this story before, but haven’t really analyzed why it’s so recurrent.
The problem is in the way Sarah’s parents taught her the rules; they created a disassociation between the rules and its rationale. By placing unrelated consequences to each broken rule, the parents trained Sarah to believe that the only rationale behind following the rules is to not get punished. Therefore, whenever she isn’t caught by her parents, in her eyes, nothing wrong happened. She never developed the ability to reason by herself why it’s in her best interest to follow certain rules.
Similar to Sarah’s parents, the schools threaten students to retain information with unrelated punishments. The consequence of not memorizing the atomic structure of Boron is a few less points on the exam. Of course, scientists that memorize Boron’s atomic structure do so for a completely different reason. Similar to Sarah, most students never learn how to reason on their own the rationale behind the information they are learning. As long as knowing the information leads them to higher scores, they don’t care to acknowledge why they’re learning what they’re learning.
Schools try to teach students the most accurate models of reality known to date; the most accurate models are conventionally described as “true.” The accuracy i.e. truth of a model is determined by how well it makes predictions relative to other models.
For example, consider two models that we can posit to explain why people get sick: demons and germs. Say, demons run around in your body punching your organs and that’s why people get sick. Germs, on the other hand, have no supernatural properties and explain why people get sick with a causal description. We can choose to believe either demons or germs, but why do most of us choose germs?
When we adopt the model of germs, we can not only explain why people get sick, but can also predict the sickness’s duration, future symptoms, possible cures, contagiousness, etc. The demon model, however, can’t predict any of those things; for that matter, it can’t predict anything at all. Even if demons really do cause sickness, even if all of life is one big illusion, the germ model is still the most useful for now.
In short, the most accurate models of reality do more for you than stop your curiosity or comfort your mind.
Unfortunately, most people aren’t able to grasp how profound and useful accurate models are. Because of school’s constant decoupling between a model and its accuracy, students are trained to memorize accurate models only long enough to get a passing grade. And for the models they do believe in, accuracy is not a prerequisite. Not only does this create the tendency for students to have false models, but it stops them from questioning the accuracy of models they currently believe in. Students may stop questioning the validity of what they are being taught. Worse, they may reject everything they are taught that conflicts with their prior beliefs.
Schools should give tests that force students to come up with their own models of reality. A good grade on these tests will depend on the predictive power i.e. accuracy of their models. For example, students can be told about a phenomenon like water boils faster in higher elevations. Then, without memorizing the question beforehand, they’d have to write the best possible explanation for why the phenomenon is true. They probably won’t get the right answer, but will learn why some answers are better than others.
As an analogy for this failure, imagine a student entering college, Sarah, who has previously been under the watchful eyes of her over-protective parents. Throughout her life, Sarah was a victim to her parents’ strict regime; any sort of revolt would lead to a series of punishments and looks-of-disappointment. In college, newly endowed with freedom, she breaks all the rules. Drugs, theft and unprotected sex are common occurrences in this formerly innocent square—sound familiar? We’ve all heard this story before, but haven’t really analyzed why it’s so recurrent.
The problem is in the way Sarah’s parents taught her the rules; they created a disassociation between the rules and its rationale. By placing unrelated consequences to each broken rule, the parents trained Sarah to believe that the only rationale behind following the rules is to not get punished. Therefore, whenever she isn’t caught by her parents, in her eyes, nothing wrong happened. She never developed the ability to reason by herself why it’s in her best interest to follow certain rules.
Similar to Sarah’s parents, the schools threaten students to retain information with unrelated punishments. The consequence of not memorizing the atomic structure of Boron is a few less points on the exam. Of course, scientists that memorize Boron’s atomic structure do so for a completely different reason. Similar to Sarah, most students never learn how to reason on their own the rationale behind the information they are learning. As long as knowing the information leads them to higher scores, they don’t care to acknowledge why they’re learning what they’re learning.
Schools try to teach students the most accurate models of reality known to date; the most accurate models are conventionally described as “true.” The accuracy i.e. truth of a model is determined by how well it makes predictions relative to other models.
For example, consider two models that we can posit to explain why people get sick: demons and germs. Say, demons run around in your body punching your organs and that’s why people get sick. Germs, on the other hand, have no supernatural properties and explain why people get sick with a causal description. We can choose to believe either demons or germs, but why do most of us choose germs?
When we adopt the model of germs, we can not only explain why people get sick, but can also predict the sickness’s duration, future symptoms, possible cures, contagiousness, etc. The demon model, however, can’t predict any of those things; for that matter, it can’t predict anything at all. Even if demons really do cause sickness, even if all of life is one big illusion, the germ model is still the most useful for now.
In short, the most accurate models of reality do more for you than stop your curiosity or comfort your mind.
Unfortunately, most people aren’t able to grasp how profound and useful accurate models are. Because of school’s constant decoupling between a model and its accuracy, students are trained to memorize accurate models only long enough to get a passing grade. And for the models they do believe in, accuracy is not a prerequisite. Not only does this create the tendency for students to have false models, but it stops them from questioning the accuracy of models they currently believe in. Students may stop questioning the validity of what they are being taught. Worse, they may reject everything they are taught that conflicts with their prior beliefs.
Schools should give tests that force students to come up with their own models of reality. A good grade on these tests will depend on the predictive power i.e. accuracy of their models. For example, students can be told about a phenomenon like water boils faster in higher elevations. Then, without memorizing the question beforehand, they’d have to write the best possible explanation for why the phenomenon is true. They probably won’t get the right answer, but will learn why some answers are better than others.
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