We are Ignorant Philanthropists

Have you ever been called a moron for not giving money to the most starving child? Ever been ridiculed for buying orphans new toys instead of funding a food drive for sick children in Africa? Of course you haven’t, it is a rather taboo subject to bring up in the first place. How do we know if the resources we budget for charity are being allocated in the most efficient way possible? Americans gave nearly $300 billion to charitable causes last year; what if half of that could have been allotted more efficiently?

Have you ever had your dad scream at you for tampering with the thermostat? Ever been ridiculed for buying overpriced shoes? It is clear that our society values economic efficiency. Don’t get this confused with ‘being cheap,’ because you can be cheap and inefficient simultaneously. Efficient resource allocation is important for the rational consumer. This is why we strive to close the information gap between the seller and the buyer. With consumer reports, reviews, and evaluations, we can make better-informed decisions on our purchases. Being rational consumers, we will only choose to buy what has more ‘bang for its buck,’ the layman’s term for utility maximization. This diffusion of product information translates to an economically efficient future. What about charity? Are we informed philanthropist?

More specifically, what does it mean to have more ‘bang for you buck’ in regard to charity? Does it have to do with which recipient benefits the most out of your X dollar amount donation? Examining the behavior of charitable donations, we find out that this isn’t the case. When it comes to charity, people are not informed consumers.

Which person would you rather give your spare change to; assuming it is less than a dollar?


Starving African Kids Witty Homeless guy

If you did not pick the witty homeless guy, have ever given a homeless guy your spare change? If the answer is no, at least you know someone who has and that is sufficient enough for me to make my point. Now, there are certain reasons you or someone you know gave their change to the homeless guy instead of poor African children. For one, the homeless guy was conveniently there to take your money. Also, you might catch a glimpse of glee in his face as he takes your generous donation. In my opinion, these reasons are excuses for not having the information to donate where you will optimize your ‘bang for your buck.’

You shouldn’t feel guilty if you have these excuses for not donating to the ‘right’ people. Unlike the consumer markets, the charity market is saturated with false information and manipulation. There are a plethora of lobbyists out there that trick people into putting their charity budget in the wrong place. Similarly, there are plenty of religious institutions that do just the same. Your efforts to do your own research might be at too high of a cost.

Even some of the most benevolent deeds, like working at the local food shelter, could be a misallocation of time and money. It all depends on the supply and demand of charitable donations. The food shelter could be substantially lacking staff and your help will have a huge marginal benefit. On the other hand, suppose the food shelter was over staffed, but you decide to help out anyway. Your marginal benefit wouldn’t be worth your effort. This misallocation of charity will continue to be a problem as long as it’s taboo to bring up the topic. There needs to be some sort of way to have objective charitable information readily available for the public.

Learn How to be an Internet Comedian

The Internet has revolutionized the culture of comedy. Now a day anyone with an Internet Connection can publicize their comedic creations. The difficulty, however, comes with the creativity block that most of us face. The secret is to work within the parameters of the Internet fads. It’s hard to identify what these fads are, fortunately for you, I have come up with four fads to help structure your comedic art. I have also made examples to demonstrate the potential humor of working in the bounds of various fads.

Fad #1: Take a one-dimensional character and give them a new life.

What do LOL Cats and Chuck Norris facts have in common? They both take something none human and give it a new life. “But Chuck Norris is human!” He might be a human, but he has many inhuman characteristics like the ability to cure cancer with his tears. But seriously, his TV character is as one-dimensional as a newborn baby. Giving a new life to any of these primitive figures is sure to land you a hit on the Internet.

Example: “Murderous Urkel”



Fad #2:Combine a well-known joke with something creative

Some of us aren’t creative enough to come up with our own joke, but creative enough to embellish an existing one. For example, Chuck Norris facts evolved to Jack Bauer facts - not as creative as the original, but enough to give birth to anther joke.

Example: “Destination Shit.”



Fad #3: Make something emotional that people can build rapport with.

Humans are equipped with the mental capacity to experience empathy. When watching a sad movie, humans can imagine themselves as the characters in the movie. This ability is so powerful that it can cause real physiological reactions like laughing and crying. One thing to remember when creating your comedy is to have a human express a powerful emotion.

Example: “You Are a Pussy”

Delving Into Christian Pop Culture Via Godtube.com

Old bible-thumping Christians have the daunting task of reaching out to today’s youth. If they can’t reach them through divine intervention then I guess YouTube is the next best alternative. Unfortunately, YouTube viewers won’t take kindly to videos preaching Christianity. So they took out the ‘You’ and replaced it with ‘God’ to make GodTube.com. After all, it isn’t ‘you’ making these videos; it is directly from God himself. Let us delve in today’s Christian Pop Culture via the omniscient GodTube.

1. Here is a Mac/PC video comparing the cool ‘Christ-follower’ with the outdated ‘Christian’. Your first reaction might have been “what the hell is a Christ-follower?” Apparently it’s a laid-back Christian who doesn’t want to look like a closet homosexual conservative.


The message I get from this video:

There is no doubt that religious zealots have an image crisis in today’s generation, but I need not worry. I can share my faith with Jesus and still look like a college frat guy who just won a pizza eating competition.

2. This next video is titled “What will you do the next time porn strikes?” News flash, Christians still hate porn. Another news flash, the Internet is for porn. This is a good example of how Christians like to side step the issue of porn by demonizing instead of educating.


The message I get from this video:

Porn is a demon that has possessed the internal wiring of my computer. The only way to rid the demon is to either hire an exorcist or beat the crap out of it.

3. For this next video, please make sure there are no impressionable kids watching. This video is scarier than having the girl from “The Ring” and “The Grudge” hiding in your closet plotting your death. And if you believe in Hell, well, prepare for a month of sleepless nights.


The message I get from this video:

Must. Tell. Everyone. About. Jesus.

Fear and manipulation are still the tools of choice for spreading Christianity. How else can a religion convince the masses when they have to compete with the logic and reason that science offers?

Taboos You Can't Handle

Every culture on earth has taboos deeply rooted in their belief system. Taboos are so powerful that merely bringing it up is itself taboo. You might be thinking to yourself “Taboos don’t make me uncomfortable, I can talk about cannibalism and animal sex without being squeamish any day.”

Be aware that taboos only exist in a certain context. It’s impossible to quantify the amount of taboos with a giant list. For example, passionately kissing another person may seem to be far from a taboo. Now imagine I change that example to passionately kissing your twin brother. The very thought of somebody engaging in a sexual relationship with his or her twin makes you wiggle in your chair. Logically, kissing your twin should be just as harmless as a kiss with anybody else. The taboo is just too powerful for most of us to consider this normal behavior.

There is a popular drinking game called “I Never,” also known as “10 Fingers.” Here are the rules of the game quoted from wikipedia:

…Where players are arranged into something resembling a circle. The game is started with each player putting up 10 fingers. Then, one player says a simple statement starting with "Never have I ever," such as "Never have I ever had sex." In this case anyone who has had sex must drink and put down one finger. Play then continues around the circle and the next person makes a statement.

The interesting thing about this game is that you can talk about seemingly taboo subjects to a bunch of friends and strangers. I have heard people say “Never have I ever had anal sex,” or “Never have I ever done it in my parents bed room.” Saying these things is far from taboo because with taboos context is everything. Lets look at the reality of the situation – everyone is at a party, drinking, and have their inhibitions lowered. The very reason that this game is popular should be evidence as to why the game isn’t taboo. Taboos are not supposed to be the life of the party - instead, they are party poopers. To test this theory I needed to come up with the most taboo statement I could say when playing this game. I wanted to test whether this game could withstand the strongest taboos. Here are the top three I came up with:

1. Never have I ever seriously considered committing suicide.

2. Never have I ever had an abortion or miscarriage.

3. Never have I ever been molested as a child.

So far I have I have only said the first one during an actual game and guess what happened? One guy thought it was a really bad joke, we got in a long argument, and I killed the game.

Next time you play “10 Fingers,” don’t think you are doing anything profound by breaking social boundaries, because you probably aren’t.

Funny Observations

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Dear Santa, Will You Repent My Sins?

Have you ever wondered why there are no ‘Mall Gods,’ but plenty of ‘Mall Santa Clauses?’ Christian kids get to enjoy a figurative replication of their mythological idol in their local malls, but the adults get absolutely nothing, it’s down right ridiculous.

Oh wait… the lack of ‘Mall Gods’ isn’t actually a problem. Why do you ask? Because people still think God is real! With a little bit of faith, Santa Claus is just as real for kids as God is real for adults. Religious adults find it so cute that their children believe in a fictional deity. Well I find it adorable how +90% of the American population believes in God.

Santa Claus and God surprisingly have a lot in common:

Santa Claus judges kids on whether they have been naughty or nice. In his holy scriptures he claims you should be good for goodness sakes. Similarly, God will judge your behaviors on the merit of “because I said so.” Both deities punish bad behavior; receiving coal for Christmas is no worse than hell for a young Christian child. But don’t worry; they will both listen to your repenting via telepathy or the US postal service. And if communicating with them isn’t enough, you could always express your love for them by singing Christmas carol or Christian rock music.

What made Christian kids stop believing in Santa Claus? Was it an amounting pile of evidence that contradicted his existence? Or did they just discard faith as a valuable tool to justify their beliefs? Neither, their parents just told them he isn’t real. Not only did the parents deny his existence, but so did the friends, siblings, community, and entire society! The fight against God requires strength in numbers, not of knowledge.

Do Burkas Impinge on Women's Freedom of Choice

A lot of Americans are uncomfortable with the fact that woman in Muslim nations wear Burkas that cover their whole body. To most of my readers the image above may cause anger and/or empathy. Let’s take a step back – are we justified in having these kinds of emotions towards this image? What makes us believe it’s wrong to have woman wear Burkas? After all, a lot of these woman would say they choose to dress this way, does that still make it wrong? The most typical argument against Burkas, in my opinion, is this one:

Would these women still choose to wear a Burka if they weren’t raised in a society or household that advocates it?

The answer may seems to be ‘no’. After all, how many women do we see wear Burkas who don’t live in a Muslim society and/or household? Not many or none at all.

Lets turn the tables, how many American women would still choose to dress the way they do if they weren’t raised in a society or household that advocates westernized ideologies?



How often do you see this type of attire being worn by American girls? I see these ‘fashion uniforms’ on a daily basis. The variety of clothes seen today is virtually as homogeneous to that of Saudi Arabia. It may seem as if Burkas are all alike, but there are differences that a foreigner may not pick up on. Similarly, a non-westerner may think that the American attire is all the same with no substantial differences.

Does anyone really choose what to wear? When a muslim woman living in Saudi Arabia says she chooses to wear a Burka, you may think she is delusional. Unless she wants to be ostracized from her society, she will choose to wear a Burka. What about Americans, do we choose to wear suits, tuxedos, skirts, tank tops, etc.? Unless we want to miss out on job opportunities, or potential relationship we too will choose from a limited wardrobe. In every society, the choice of what to wear is a highly influenced by the culture. The argument that women don’t have a choice to wear a Burka is accurate, but it doesn’t prove an inequality because other societies also lack this freedom of apparel (most likely to a lesser degree).

This is why I propose a new argument that better emphasizes the injustice that Burkas entail. I call this the “C’mon its Shitty Under That Thing,” Argument. If you have ever dressed up as a ninja or smelled a really bad fart, you know what it’s like to have a piece of cloth cover your mouth and nose for a long period of time. It’s ridiculous, you can’t breathe fast, your clothes gets soaked with saliva, and it itchier than a Christmas sweater! Nobody should ever experience such an injustice.

Ok it’s not the best argument ever, but c’mon it's pretty shitty under that thing.

What is Manliness?

Philosophically deconstructing the basis of manliness… not manly.

I have recently been thinking about manliness, and no, I am not gay. I began thinking about what it takes to be manly and how we choose whether something is manly or not. Manliness is something that is deeply rooted in our culture. Everyone has a strong opinion on what is manly and what isn’t. There is no clear-cut definition for manliness because its definition evolves with the culture. Because of this unfortunate problem, I came up with a way to find out all the components that make up manliness. I took a simple action and kept modifying it to what I thought was a more manly action. Then I thought about what my modifications had in common in order to get at the basis of what it means to be manly.

1. Cutting down a tree
- Chopping down the tree with an axe
- Chopping down the tree because you saw a monkey looking at you the wrong way
- Chopping down the tree while preparing the BBQ for monkey meat.
- Chopping down the tree while having your wife prepare the BBQ for monkey meat.
- Chopping down the tree while simultaneously building a picnic bench from scratch for you to eat your monkey on.

2. Educating your children
- Teaching them how to beat up the school bully
- Teach them how to paralyze the bully with one punch.
- Teach them how to paralyze the bully with just a snarl.
- Teach them how to deal with their own problems.
- Teach them how you didn’t raise no pansies.

3. Eating breakfast
- Eating breakfast that is well over 2500 calories
- Eating breakfast that has bacon bits sprinkled on everything (including the bacon).
- Eating a bacon-filled breakfast while reading the business section of the newspaper
- Eating a bacon-filled breakfast while reading the newspaper and criticizing your kids for not finishing their bacon.
- Eating a bacon-filled breakfast while reviewing the bills and blaming your family for making you broke.


What did we learn? What are the components of manliness?

Brute strength is favored over tools. Tools that require brute strength are good too. The foods you choose to eat must come at a cost greater than that of its market price. Manly people should have their bodies handle anything, so unhealthy food, or food that is dangerous to attain shouldn’t be a problem. Goals and objectives should be reached despite the dangers and risks. Jobs that don’t require physical work or danger should be delegated to others. My conclusion is that manliness always involves an objective or goal that cannot be achieved without directly risking either physical health or personal finance. Try to find a manly behavior that doesn’t involve these (warning, trying this is not manly).

Outdated Relationship Tips and What They Should Be

Myth #1: Never Lie

Many relationship connoisseurs would agree that any sort of lying is detrimental to the health of a relationship. Frequent lies will not add up in the end and it is best to avoid them. This means you can’t blame it on the dog anymore.

What it should be: Never want to lie

People don’t lie without an incentive to lie; there is always an underlying reason. Don’t give yourself or your partner a reason to lie in the first place. If you lie about the night you went drinking with your friends, you should be concerned about why you needed to lie. Why did you blame it on the dog? Maybe your partner needs to start accepting foul odors and their true creator.

Myth #2: Take time to cuddle

If your mate is sitting there watching TV or reading a book, why not cuddle with them? Both of you will feel secure and loved with every moment of cuddling goodness.

What it should be: Take the time to huddle

What can be more fun the holding an oversized arm-numbing hunk of meat? Lets be honest, as relationships progress, cuddling is no more fun than wrestling a walrus. Instead of cuddling, you should huddle! In a huddle you do more than press against each other, you also communicate. Huddling is an intimate means of communication – think about it, it’s hard to argue while huddling.

Myth #3: Set aside time for romance

When the relationship starts to go sour, you should set aside some time for romance. A romantic candle light dinner will spark your relationship back to life.

What it should be: Have romance set itself up

The big corporations have succeeded in profiteering from our desire for romance. “Just take your partner to one of these over priced institutions and save your relationship from destruction!” These corporations have us believing that romance is out there and we just need to go find it. Real romance just happens, regardless of the context. Romance is a state of mind and can be done anywhere, such as the park, living room, backyard, Motel 6 or even the kitchen sink (if you know what I mean ;-).

Myth #4: Set up Boundaries

Every relationship needs to set up guidelines in order for it to work. Make sure your partner knows your boundaries before they get crossed. For instance, let your partner know that you don’t want them going to strip clubs.

What it should be: Break down desires to cross boundaries

Don’t be an oppressive dictator with rules and regulations or else V will blow up your house. We all know what happens in an oppressive government, people begin to rebel in the name of freedom. Give your partner enough rules and they will want to break them. Instead, make your partner not want to cross your boundaries. If your mate wants to go to a strip club, just strip for them, free of charge. Not only will this bring you closer together, it will abolish the need to set up rules.