Americans are obsessed with their mass accumulation of stuff. The bigger the heap of stuff they have, the happier they are. And nothing, not even loved ones, dare get in their way of amassing more stuff. People abandon their families for higher paying jobs and divorce their spouses because of avoidable money issues. Americans have reached a gloomy social frontier as they prioritize over-priced handbags over a genuine relationship.
Of course we could point fingers at the advertisers and marketers for mind-fucking the younger generation. However, a flickering banner ad is not enough to bring a whole country in a delusional mind-set. The real culprit lays in the structure our economy is built on: capitalism. America isn’t completely capitalistic – it does provide some social programs like well-fare and Medicaid, but it mostly relies on private decision-making and economic freedom. The free markets take charge in America and the free markets always know best. The idea that the markets will guide us towards what we collectively desire is not a novel one. This wisdom has been around for centuries, but only recently do we see its negative social repercussions.
The fact is - capitalism thrives on dissatisfaction. It’s true that the free market allows individuals to choose their optimum consumption bundles at a fair price, but what else is going on? Let’s scope in on the consumer’s mind-set when going through the decision process in maximizing utility. Imagine a consumer strolling down the labyrinth of aisles at his local Costco. He gazes at an ocean of stuff as he decides what he should buy. He pictures the stuff he already owns as he passes by newer and more expensive substitutes. He would only have the incentive to purchase a new substitute if he is dissatisfied with the one he already has. As he passes by more stuff he may realize he will be dissatisfied if he doesn’t buy that stuff.
Dissatisfaction is the fuel behind consumer spending and consumer spending is the crux behind GDP. And believe me, America cares about GDP growing every year. A recession is defined as negative economic growth for two or more successive quarters of a year. Just mentioning the word makes the market sentiment haywire (I apologize). With the government’s and the market’s incentive for growing GDP, they make sure Americans spend their achy breaky hearts out.
Pressured to spend, Americans adapted obediently as dissatisfaction became engrained in the culture. American’s discontent now extends beyond their aspiration for consumables. If you are dissatisfied with your family or girlfriend there supposedly exists a ‘free market’ out there for you to choose a better one. Things aren’t working out between you and your wife? Don’t worry, just return your current one and get a new one that fits you better! Commoditizing intimate relationships has never been this easy!
Americans have lost the ability to be ‘happy with what they have’ when it comes to consumables and relationships. By chronically being dissatisfied, they lose their happiness in the free market abyss.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The Bullies You'll Meet Throughout Life
Bullies range in all shapes, sizes, age, motives, testosterone levels, and more. Wielding my power of stereotyping, I will attempt to categorize bullies in some meaningful way. Throughout our lives we encounter different types of bullies. There are about three variables that change as the bullies change throughout time: 1) Source of bully power 2) Prospective victims 3) Means of torment. Lets begin with the earliest known form of a bully usually found on the kindergarten playground.
The Future Rapist - Kindergarten playground
This young fellow is normally found on Kindergarten playground. This bully has enough libido to fuel an army of erectile dysfunctional penises. His sex craving genetic gift mixed in with the stupidity of being a five-year-old gives him his bully potential. His victims are a mix of boys and girls ranging from ages 1 – 6; he takes advantage of the younger ones who don’t yet have the vocabulary or mental capacity to say “No!” First he taunts his victims by yelling obscenities at them like, “Want to taste my poop?” After breaking his victim’s comfort zone he swiftly reaches for their genitals and retreats back to the swing sets. This process occurs anywhere from four to seven times during recess.
The Fatty – Elementary school
This child’s weight is about two standard deviations above the mean. Assuming that a person can lift their own weight, this bully automatically has the ability to choke slam two upper graders simultaneously. His love for Twinkies and French Fries has made his strength unmatched. His victims include anyone who tampers with his fragile emotional state induced by his constant struggle of coping with be so fucking fat... or the guy who took the last Jell-o pudding from the cafeteria. His means of torment include: wedgies, knuckle sandwiches, hurts donut, or basically any acts of violence that have euphemisms which sound like they could be eatable.
The Meathead – High School
Due to either a high consumption of hormone induced chicken or ungodly genes, this bully started puberty at age 8 and by his first year in High School, he has reached his top physical shape. While the other boys are still shorter and scrawnier than most girls, this bully physically dominates his high school peers. His victims include anyone his older brother tells him to beat up. With great power comes great responsibility; unfortunately, The Meathead only has a middle school education with a skull thicker than his femur. This unstable combination of power and stupidity is as dangerous as a ten-year-old with flammable ninja stars. With this imagery in your mind, you can imagine the pain inflicted on his victims.
The Corporate Cunt – Corporation
Back in the schoolyard, power was derived from physical strength; in the corporate world, power comes with the ability to make others work on Saturdays. As a corporate peon who happens to be one rung higher than you, The Corporate Cunt never hesitates to make you work on Saturday. His victims usually consist of employees on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He will torment his victims by assigning mandatory Saturday work on the grounds of “because I said so.” Furthermore, he will remind employees every day of the week that there is a mandatory meeting on Saturday. He flips a coin and says that if it lands on heads there is work on Saturday and if it lands on tails there isn’t work on Saturday. Then he has it land on tails and says “Actually there will be work on Saturday.”
The Old Bastard – Retirement Home
He is the old guy who still maintains his youthful vigor and rubs it in everyone’s face. He usually preys on old people who have lost the will to live and/or vegetables. He torments his victims by showing off his erection through his pants too all the wallflowers at the senior ball. He also lifts weights in front of the guys who can barely lift themselves out of bed. Moreover, he tells the old people with chronic depression that all their pills are placebos and they should do something active instead of sob all day. The Old Bastard always outlives his victims.
I assure you that no nerds were hurt in the making of this post.
The Future Rapist - Kindergarten playground
This young fellow is normally found on Kindergarten playground. This bully has enough libido to fuel an army of erectile dysfunctional penises. His sex craving genetic gift mixed in with the stupidity of being a five-year-old gives him his bully potential. His victims are a mix of boys and girls ranging from ages 1 – 6; he takes advantage of the younger ones who don’t yet have the vocabulary or mental capacity to say “No!” First he taunts his victims by yelling obscenities at them like, “Want to taste my poop?” After breaking his victim’s comfort zone he swiftly reaches for their genitals and retreats back to the swing sets. This process occurs anywhere from four to seven times during recess.
The Fatty – Elementary school
This child’s weight is about two standard deviations above the mean. Assuming that a person can lift their own weight, this bully automatically has the ability to choke slam two upper graders simultaneously. His love for Twinkies and French Fries has made his strength unmatched. His victims include anyone who tampers with his fragile emotional state induced by his constant struggle of coping with be so fucking fat... or the guy who took the last Jell-o pudding from the cafeteria. His means of torment include: wedgies, knuckle sandwiches, hurts donut, or basically any acts of violence that have euphemisms which sound like they could be eatable.
The Meathead – High School
Due to either a high consumption of hormone induced chicken or ungodly genes, this bully started puberty at age 8 and by his first year in High School, he has reached his top physical shape. While the other boys are still shorter and scrawnier than most girls, this bully physically dominates his high school peers. His victims include anyone his older brother tells him to beat up. With great power comes great responsibility; unfortunately, The Meathead only has a middle school education with a skull thicker than his femur. This unstable combination of power and stupidity is as dangerous as a ten-year-old with flammable ninja stars. With this imagery in your mind, you can imagine the pain inflicted on his victims.
The Corporate Cunt – Corporation
Back in the schoolyard, power was derived from physical strength; in the corporate world, power comes with the ability to make others work on Saturdays. As a corporate peon who happens to be one rung higher than you, The Corporate Cunt never hesitates to make you work on Saturday. His victims usually consist of employees on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He will torment his victims by assigning mandatory Saturday work on the grounds of “because I said so.” Furthermore, he will remind employees every day of the week that there is a mandatory meeting on Saturday. He flips a coin and says that if it lands on heads there is work on Saturday and if it lands on tails there isn’t work on Saturday. Then he has it land on tails and says “Actually there will be work on Saturday.”
The Old Bastard – Retirement Home
He is the old guy who still maintains his youthful vigor and rubs it in everyone’s face. He usually preys on old people who have lost the will to live and/or vegetables. He torments his victims by showing off his erection through his pants too all the wallflowers at the senior ball. He also lifts weights in front of the guys who can barely lift themselves out of bed. Moreover, he tells the old people with chronic depression that all their pills are placebos and they should do something active instead of sob all day. The Old Bastard always outlives his victims.
I assure you that no nerds were hurt in the making of this post.
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