Monday, April 9, 2007

Analysis of College Party

When I look at a party, I see a mathematical function for fun. There are variables such as alcohol, chasers, hot girls, ugly girls, guys, and location. All these variables work together to produce a final product of fun.

How a guy sees a party:


Alcohol

Lets start with alcohol, the most effective and well-known catalyst for fun. Right around 4/5 of the duration of the party, alcohol maximizes its fun output. At this time, people’s inhibitions have reached its lowest point in the party. Any further affect alcohol contributes is negatively proportional to fun (throwing up, falling, death, etc).

Ugly Girls

At first, ugly girls do not contribute to fun and actually bring down the fun in the first quarter due to consumption of food (hint: opportunity cost). When alcohol peaks and consequently inhibitions peak, ugly girls become an easy hook-up.

Guys

At first, other guys are just competition for getting girls. As the effects of alcohol kick in, you may of not hooked-up with a girl yet, but suddenly, guys become amateur stand-up comedians. When the party time is coming to an end, guys become competition once again.

Chasers

These may include soda, juice, energy drinks, etc. These are good additives for the consumption of alcohol and good pre-occupiers for the shy or sober. However, as the party nears to an end, all that is left is a pile of half full soda and juice bottles. A substantial portion of these will be spilled over no matter what.

Hot Girls

These serve as nice eye candy at the beginning of the party. Once they are actually hit upon, they will flee in an instant or bring their fairly large and unyielding boyfriends.

Location

It is just nice to have a place to party so the fun output remains fairly steady. A minor dip in fun occurs later on when people start smashing into walls and jump off of roofs.

Average Fun

As you can see, a party offers a good amount of fun with moderate growth. This is a rough estimate considering it is the average fun output of an average college party.



1 comment:

RachelRocklin said...

In order to maximize party potential we should take the first derivative and set it equal to zero.